vestmoria

How do you deal with getting rid of old stuff that just sits there wasting space but still has residual emotional value?

My father is sorting items in his huge houses, 2 of them, to sell, give away or dump as a hopefully previous step to downsizing, which took me to think about how much stuff of my childhood sits there wasting space, stuff I could try to sell or give away, because after my parents die I don’t plan to move back there: I’ve made my life elsewhere and down there there are no decent jobs.

The items: A huge collection of 300 or so music CDs and 50 vinyl records I bought between ages 15 and 25 of my favorite bands back then. I don’t believe I’d get even 2 bucks a piece, not even for the vinyls (no special editions), my library with 250 or so books I bought and received as presents during my childhood, including a complete encyclopedia, clothes that are already too small for my physique.

I moved out 10 years ago and I’ve rarely visited. Those items are more something I remember than something I need: I digitized the music library years ago, the books I like I can get online or I already have them, I could save some clothes that fit and toss the rest, I could also use my old bed and study table, because those things are actually useful. I don’t even have a CD or a vinyl player (my father does).

I know that stuff is only stuff and when I die, it will all remain here on earth and most probably be sold or destroyed, but I I just can’t bring myself to throw them away, even though I know it’s the logical choice as a previous step to sell that old house.

Moving the stuff in with me makes me a hoarder, so no. Plus I don’t have that much space. And what would I move the stuff in with me for? It would sit there in boxes wasting space.

What worked for you?

Am I being unreasonable holding my ground here? about a funeral

ETA: Thank you all for providing your opinion about this question. I’m contacting my mother and asking her about what she would want, I’ll follow her lead and support what she decides. As said I don’t believe she wants those toxic family members or her families around on a moment so special like saying your last goodbye to a husband. And neither do I.

I’d prefer a public funeral excluding them or conducting a small Christian ritual for family only where we can mourn him like we want but if she wants them around, so be it.

Funerals are for the living.

Thank you all.

My Christian, old republican southerner father wants me to attend his Christian funeral with all of his surviving relatives present. I don’t believe in any god, he knows that. He needs a religion to give a meaning to his life? Knock yourself out.

Religion is not the main problem here. The main problem is how close minded and fake people are in a southern small town in GA and above all, relatives. 2 aunts love to pretend everything is fine, they excel doing that on funerals and weddings, then stab you in the back as soon as you’re not within ear distance, either need drama to feel important or have way too much free time.

I wouldn’t mind a small Christian ritual with my mother, my brother, a priest and nobody else, but these women and their husbands? They drag everyone down with their stupid grudges about yard sales and business deals made in the early 2020s and seem to be envious of those who left that place and found something better. Last time I saw them, 7 years ago, they complained I don’t call them. What for?

I’m better off without them and don’t have the bandwidth to deal with them.

Family seems to be an identity issue for my father, the idea that his whole family won’t bury him together scares him. I told them I will honor him my way, with luck on the hospital bed where he dies or at home, that mother and brother are welcome to honor him with me, that I won’t attend a funeral with people I don’t like but he is not listening: he is now retorting to manipulate me (it would be so good, wouldn’t it be nice…?)

My father is not cognitively impaired. The easy way out would be to tell him ‘sure, I’ll come to your funeral with all those assholes you care so much about’ and after he dies, ignore it. I suspect my mother would agree, because she wasn’t born in GA and these aunts always felt superior to her, something my father always downplays because ‘we’re family’.

I like treating my father like an adult and want genuine conversations with him. To me, placating him on a thing like this means accepting my father has become a 5 year old who needs to be lied to so he doesn’t start feeling sad or feels I’m attacking him. It doesn’t feel right.

But it feels worse to pretend I respect those lying assholes or to listen to their boring life I don’t care about.

So what do I do?

how did you overcome your existential crisis?

somebody suggested I’m in the middle of an existential crisis. Just read my last post.

Fine, seems to be true.

Do people snap out of this?

how many of you question your life choices after an accident?

more than a question, this is just something that popped in my mind after taking a week off work already, a week without work means free time to hate the job you have, but in my case more than that I’ve been thinking about my childhood, my parents, my extended family, our holidays together, how insignificant we humans are, how fragile and short life is, how fast time goes by and how much I don’t want to work.

I guess this is cliche, but when I had to work I didn’t question my job this much, didn’t think about my childhood or my dreams, I simply wanted to get the job done, go home, eat and disconnect till the next day. I was like a machine, or a moron.

I’ll be a moron again when I have to work again. I don’t want to work.

It’s like I’m a different person when I’m not working.

Is this dangerous? People too busy with work don’t think like this.

I want to write poetry, lay on the sun in summer, listen to the cicadas, eat oranges and apples, listen to relaxing music. I want to play the guitar.

My father wants to pay for a family tomb so that when I die, I can be buried there as well. Do I let him or try to stop him?

my father is religious, I’m not and I don’t care what happens to my body after I die. Burn me, use me to feed stray cats.

To me, wasting money to buy a plot of land so I may be buried with them when I die is a stupid idea.

It is, however, his money. Who am I to disagree with him?

A curious conversation with a coworker who enjoys her job. How many of you like your job?

We do exactly the same job.

To me the idea of enjoying a job is an odd one: I don’t want to work, I only work because I need the money. If I had money I wouldn’t work.

I don’t know if this makes me the oddest person on earth, but where I am my coworkers sometimes make me feel so.

She asked me if I enjoy my job. I looked at her surprised while thinking to answer her with a regular blanket manager answer like ‘it is such a honor to work here, fuck yeah, I’d love to work here for free!’ or being completely sincere.

I was in a good mood, so I chose being sincere: ‘I don’t enjoy working, I work because I need to pay for the rest of my life, I enjoy cooking, writing poetry and walking through a forest.’

She looked at me a bit surprised and replied: ‘but you have to like your job.’ My answer? ‘As long as I earn money all’s good.’

This happened in a big room with like 9 coworkers hearing the convo.

Now I don’t know if I just committed job suicide where I work at, but it was liberating saying out loud at the workplace what I think a job is.

And why the fixation that you must like a job? It’s a job for fucks sake. Why do you have to like it?

To me this only confirms my current job is a cult. Am I exaggerating?

If every workplace is like this I should stick with the devil I know…