A page with links to your favorite web sites, usually some really popular sites everyone knows.
A FAQ page. Remember to have a snarky fourth wall breaking conversation with your own questions and answers. Don’t actually provide any useful information.
An obnoxious MIDI file playing in the background.
Don’t be afraid to add a lot of GIF images. Some sort of skull or that dancing baby are crucial.
If you really hate your users, implement the whole page in Shockwave.